Audrey has decided that she is never going to wean and has given up on sleep so she can nuzzle my boobs, which I'm pretty sure may fall off at some point. Not that I'd miss them, they are nothing to write home about.
I haven't written any posts in a while because I feel completely unmotivated to do anything. When all you can think about is the day your boobs will be for show and not for baby and when or if sleep will ever some again, you give up on most projects. The one's I have completed I have no motivation to write about right now. I'll get to them, but I set my own deadlines.
I can only describe my lack of sleep to utter blahness. There are nights when I'm pretty sure my head isn't on my pillow for more than 3 hours, which sucks balls! And the 3 hours it is on the pillow, I am in between some kind of rest with my eyes clothes (<----I am so tired I typed clothes, instead of closed.) (and usually a throbbing headache) and paranoia that I am going to close my eyes and she will wake me up screaming within minutes. I pray every night for her to sleep. sleep doesn't come.
Last night, Mr. TSL put her to sleep (he's been doing that now for like 2 months...it's amazing...if she'd stay asleep for more than 2 hours.) Usually he and I stay up for a little while and talk. We don't see each other in a quiet environment very often. Okay.EVER.
She woke up around an hour and a half later. I went up to nurse her back to sleep and she nursed forever and she has all four front teeth now and they suck. She also switches sides on her own and will switch back and forth standing up, then sliding down over and over. She won't drink from a bottle, only her mom's knockers. Suckola for me. Don't get me wrong, I love(d) nursing her. It is one of the most amazing experiences to nurse your babies, but after a while I'm over it.
It's like eating ice cream for dinner, awesome but you can't do it forever.
After, her nursing I put her in bed and let her cry. I needed to walk away from her. I came downstairs and Mr. TSL went up to rock her to sleep. I went to bed. He was up there for about an hour. Shortly after that she was up AGAIN. CRAP!!
I attempted to nurse her again, but my boobs hurt so bad I just couldn't do it. So, I laid her down in her bed and patted her butt and had my hand on her back. I did this for a while practically hanging over her bed. Then I removed the hand...no dice. screaming. After a few minutes, I wondered if I was tall enough to have my hand over her rails and be on my knees, my back was really hurting. I could, I sat there for a little while. I removed the hand....son of a b....screaming. Arm's getting weird tingly, not like it asleep, more like agonizing. Then I wondered if I could comfortably fit my hand through the rails and sit cross legged. I can.
As, I am sitting there trying to keep her asleep these are the things running through my head in no particular order:
1. Is there something I can roll up or lay on her back to fashion a crude hand or arm within reach of my legs? NOPE, I actually reaches my leg around in hopes of finding a nanny, who in broken English, would say, "you go sleep now miss, I'll rock her."
2. I should invent something like that...you know, like those creepy hands for Halloween or fill a doctors glove with bread dough or something smushie, but dense.
3. I wonder if other mothers do this crap.
4. I want to punch the next mom that says, "Oh, my baby has always slept through the night." I bet an open hand slap across the face would shut that snide bitch up.
5. That new show with Christina Applegate is going to be funny...Up all night. The promo says. "if you have ever contemplated selling your baby on the black market, this is the show for you." (This thought made me snort.)
6. I think after she falls asleep I am going to go downstairs and tie my own tubes with a butterknife.
7. Why don't they make Tylenol PM for babies or at least organic tryptophan (that's the stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy at Thanksgiving, they sell that shiz in capsules and it is uh-maz-ing. Can't take it while your pregnant or nursing. Suck.)
8. When she gets older I am going to keep her awake like this for like a week and see if she likes it.
After the night was said and done, she got up at 6:30. blah
Then this morning Morgan heman ripped the door knob off the inside of the front door. We already have the replacement handle (we've had it for almost a year now...another one of my projects) She freaked out like we were trapped in the house and she and Hayley were going to miss the bus. I told her to just go through the garage and open the door from the front. Panic averted. Then she opened the door, with the sun shining in on this glorious extremely exhausted morning I was able to clearly see where the dog (who isn't suppose to sit on the furniture, but does while I'm sleeping) had barfed down the front of my leather couch and onto the carpet....can I get a woot woot...don't woot woot that, I was being sarcastic.
I wouldn't have cared, I would have just gotten back to it later if I weren't watching Hayley's teacher's kids this week. Shit, I have to clean it now. Plus, I don't get to go back to sleep. All week I have been plagued with the ancient Chinese syndrome Dragonass...{draggin' ass}
The only things I have gotten done is pin stuff on Pinterest, it requires very little effort and it gets my daily fix of lusting after stuff that I'll never own/wear/create :) Maybe, I'll get to some, but until then I pinned them!!
I leave you with a cute picture of my tiny munchkin, who despite the bullcrappyness of her lack of sleep is one of my three favorite girls and the reason I get out of bed...you know to go nurse her :)
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| Holy cow, she's cute! |
-Make your life beautiful!!
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